Protecting the Kids During Your Breakup

Breakups take their toll on everybody involved, but children feel them the worst. Their parents splitting up can impact their actions and make them erratic both now, and in the future, it can confuse them to the point where they no longer know where they belong, and it can sadden them to the degree that makes them lose who they were before. In order to understand the best way to approach the matter within your own family, and to stop too much disruption occurring to your children when you and their other parent decide to part ways, you have to devote all of your time and efforts into protecting them.

Feed them age-appropriate updates

Hiding significant updates regarding your breakup from your children may seem like a good idea at the time in order to protect them, but, later on down the line, you’ll come to understand just how bad of an idea it was. As they are likely to find out the truth for themselves at some point in their future, keeping things from them in the present ultimately does nobody in any good. It’ll stop them from trusting you, and that may lead them to resent you as well.

For this reason, feeding your kids age-appropriate information and generally talking to them is vital. If you can, make sure to deliver the news to them with your partner.

Make sure everything is amicable

Especially at the times that your children are actually watching you and their other parent together, you need to be acting amicably. This means no fighting, no arguing, not making any allegations and certainly never getting physical. Doing so will scare them further at an already scary time, as that’ll do absolutely nothing to help them come to terms with the changes that they are going through. So, make sure you insulate them from any and all drama.

If your breakup has led to a divorce, then you have to tread with extra caution. You need to act quickly to ensure the process of negotiating doesn’t draw on, as the longer it is, the more toxic it will become. You also need to ensure that you put the needs of your children first, even if this means swallowing your pride and allow your ex-partner certain privileges.

Ensure they know nothing is their fault

Your children will naturally start to believe that it is their fault that you and their other parent are separating, and you need to measure them that that is not the case. Again, you should be as frank as you can be in regards to their age and what it is appropriate to hear, and you should own up to any mistakes should you have made any. If you want to protect your children, this is just something has to be done.

During your breakup, your kids should be your number one priority. Everything that you do should be geared towards treating them fairly and protecting them. To do just that, make sure to remember the advice above.

Section:

Pete White Pete White

Love Shrewsbury editor and chief developer at The Web Orchard, find out more on petejwhite.com

Read More from Pete White